I created this space as a place for me to share these loves and passions of mine; what makes my heart beat and colors my days alive. My hope is that this blog is filled with the realness, the rawness, the beautiful, the heart stirring, gut aching, shakey nervousness, slow and pensive, wild and thriving thoughts and moments of LIFE.

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#ihadamiscarriage

I had this shirt made to tell our connection group we were pregnant at the beginning of the year. It was in January, it wasn’t in October, but “my little pumpkin” was a joke about an app the boys in our group were going to make. I’m sad that it’s “fitting” for the fact that […]

October 3, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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I don’t want to harbor bitterness

I never ever ever want to be the person whose heart fills with bitterness when I see friends announce their pregnancies or adoptions. Their blessings do not change my circumstances. And beyond that, my peace and joy and righteousness are not dependent on my circumstances. My circumstances should not diminish the absolute joy I have […]

April 23, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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I should be 21 weeks pregnant.

I should be 21 weeks pregnant.We should know if we were having a boy or a girl.Our nursery should be starting to take shape. But I’m not pregnant any more.And we won’t know our baby’s gender until Heaven.And the office we started to transform into this nursery has yet again been taken over by office […]

April 22, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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I often wonder: thoughts on our miscarriage

I often wonder what it would have been like to lose this baby, our first biological baby, without being in the reality of just saying goodbye to the baby who made us parents through foster care. It’s a different pain, and the pain of having to drop of the boy who we had the honor […]

March 30, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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There’s Something Beautiful Waiting For Us

The other day I had a dream about being on a hike. I was alone. It was getting darker the further in I ventured. It was hot and humid; so humid it looked almost foggy. The trees were dense. The slope was steep. There were too many twists and turns to count. The ground was […]

March 17, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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Our Valentine’s Day 2019

15 years ago we went on a Valentine’s Day date to the Southern Hills mall to watch Big Fish. We held hands. We walked around the mall and Ty bought me a heart shaped necklace with a diamond in it from Helzberg. 15 years later for Valentine’s Day we went on a day date for […]

March 14, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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Four Weeks of Bump Photos

I took four weeks of bump photos before we’d say goodbye to our baby. I know that sweet baby didn’t make up most of this bump, but I’m thankful I have something to remember our short time together. We were planning on sharing our news with the world this week; Valentine’s Day to be exact. […]

March 10, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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He never changes

When I can’t sleep, I pull out my phone and I journal as a last ditch effort to quiet my mind. I probably have hundreds of these late night (well, early morning if we’re getting technical) writing sessions. It doesn’t happen every night, just when my mind is unusually tough to settle down. The night […]

March 4, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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Our Loss of Baby Hinders

“I’m so sorry” the ultrasound technician said as our midwife placed her hand on my leg and Ty placed his hand on my shoulder in that dark room that was now silent. I had been pleading with Jesus the entire time the tech was moving the wand around the warm gel on my belly; talking […]

February 25, 2019

Life, Pregnancy Loss

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