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Life, Pregnancy Loss

October 3, 2019

#ihadamiscarriage

I had this shirt made to tell our connection group we were pregnant at the beginning of the year. It was in January, it wasn’t in October, but “my little pumpkin” was a joke about an app the boys in our group were going to make.

I’m sad that it’s “fitting” for the fact that October is #pregnancylossawareness month and we lost this sweet baby who was in my tummy for this picture a few weeks later.

Miscarriage is the worst. Your body changes, you go through physical and emotional pain, but you’re left with empty arms. You have so many questions about what your body is doing after your loss but you don’t want to ask and make people uncomfortable. The hope and excitement you have for this new life is crushed. It’s a different grief than losing a loved one that has been Earthside with you, it’s one that is complicated and hard for your brain to process because you didn’t “know” your baby, yet you did in every way. You struggle with feelings of jealousy every time a new pregnancy announcement comes your way instead of rejoicing. You feel weird answering the whole “do you have kids” question because you do, but not some (or all) aren’t here on Earth with you.

To the one in four women who have walked this road too, I’m so sorry. I pray that God comforts you in the ways He has comforted me in our season of loss after loss. I pray that you draw near to Him, and that He uses ashes to make beautiful things in your life. I pray that you put your hope in Him and you remember that death and loss where never part of His plan. I pray that you cling to the fact that one day He will return and wipe every freaking tear. He knows what it’s like to lose a child, and He is the ultimate comforter. ♥️

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