It’s been just over 7 months since the day we said goodbye to the boy who made us parents.
Since that day our license has been “on hold” meaning we haven’t gotten any calls for placements.
Until today. We got our first placement call since saying goodbye.
I thought I would be scared to say yes again to the calls that came through. Today I learned I’m scared to say no.
We ultimately ended up saying no because of how little we will be home the next few weeks. Holy crap, I wasn’t expecting that to be a hard thing to say no to. But I should have been expecting it. Those calls represent real babies/toddlers/kiddos who deserve stability. Who deserve love.
They’re more important than any heartbreak I will have to endure, than my fears, than the lies I tend to believe.
I’ve thought it over and over “I don’t know if I can do this again. The heartbreak is just too much”. But I can, and when we get through the next few weeks of travel, I will.