Today at counseling we dug deep into the fears that surround saying yes to foster care again.
We dug into the conflicting lies that tell me that saying yes would mean I love this boy in the photo less. That I’m “replacing” him. The ones that simultaneously say I could never give another child the love they deserve because I love this boy too much. That they’ll never compare and it would be a disservice to say yes to them. It feels so silly when I type it out, but the fears and emotional response are there so now it’s time to dig through them and replace them with truths.
Emotions are so messy and hard to work through and Satan pounces at any chance he can get to slip in lies that feel so true.
Sometimes you just need that extra challenge and also validation from someone who’s removed from the situation. Sometimes your heart needs to hear that you shouldn’t judge your emotions, but instead slowly take the time to sort through them. Sometimes your heart just needs help recognizing why it’s so easy to believe the things you believe based on circumstances you’ve walked through.
I’m so so thankful that we decided to start seeing a counselor three years ago. And I’m also so thankful that I cried the one time he asked if we thought it was time to start spacing out sessions to eventually not need him any more and he’s never asked again since… because I’m still not ready 😂😜