It’s been 49 hours. Each hour that passes crushes my heart more and more because the reality sets in that we don’t get to go pick him up; he doesn’t know we aren’t coming back. I’ve tried to keep my mind busy so I don’t dwell on that fact but there’s only so much I can do before it creeps back in.
The thought has crossed my mind that I shouldn’t be sharing the fact that we are grieving.. after all, this is what we signed up for right? But the truth is we are grieving. It’d be silly to pretend we weren’t. We love that babe with every ounce of our being. This isn’t what we expected would happen, but even if it were I think we would be just as sad. So I’m sharing. The real, the messy, the hurt. And holy crap does it hurt.
We kept this outfit he is wearing here, we changed him right before we left and I’m so thankful we did. I’ve sniffed it 100 times, and thought about putting it into a baggie so it doesn’t lose its smell.
I started going through photos today. I’m editing and organizing. Something I thought would hurt more but is helping just a tiny bit.
And there you have my jumbled, random thoughts for today. I don’t have the energy or brain capacity to make my writing better.