Well this is a post that I should have written a long time ago. I’ve hinted around to it on social media, but didn’t have the right platform to share the entire story with. So here I am. Almost 2 years later. Being vulnerable is scary. Talking about dark times in your life is scary. And if I’m being completely honest, talking about God on a social platform is also scary. But here I am, and I feel as though someone who is reading this might need to hear this story.

2014 year was tough. For months (starting right around this time that year) every aspect of my life was tough. Dark. Scary. Tough. I’m sure unless we are very close friends you wouldn’t know that. Because there’s this unspoken rule that we all know and follow. We should only show the good things. The things that make it seem like we have our act together. That our lives are incredible; desirable. But the truth is, that’s not true.

That wasn’t my life in 2014. I was in a dark place. I was believing some incredibly sad lies, such as the Father wasn’t there for me. That he had turned His back from me. That it was silly of me to follow Jesus because he didn’t really care about me, or what I was going through.
I took a wrong turn somewhere, down a dark path, and I let those lies take deep root in my heart. I began lusting after this ideal life I thought I wanted that didn’t include the Father. And it wasn’t until September of 2014 while attending the Pursuit 31 Conference in Georgia, that I was redirected to the path that I was made to be following.You see, I signed up for this conference because I wanted to further my photography business, and it was just a bonus that it was focused on Christian women creatives. And then somewhere down the dark and scary path that I had headed down I even began resenting the fact that I even had to go to a conference that was geared towards Christian women creatives. The day that I left I even had a break down, and thought of any possible excuse that I could come up with to not go. But I kept reminding myself that I was about to see some awesome photographers and learn about how to have a successful photography business, so I should just go.
Little did I know, God had a big big plan for me. One that would completely wreck my heart. 

At the conference the amazing Mary Marantz kicked off the week. God used that woman in a way that I don’t think she would ever be able to understand. You see, I am sure that if it were anyone else who started off the conference my heart would have been hardened. But Mary was one of the main ladies I was excited to see speak. Through her, I was shown that it is possible to have complete Joy in all circumstances because of God. That everyone goes through rough circumstances in their lives. That this gift of Joy isn’t just “being happy” or “peppy” or anything else that the word joy is associated with, yet those things are a by-product of the gift of Joy from God. That God hadn’t abandoned me. That, that little truth nugget right there was what wrecked my heart.

God hadn’t abandoned me. That He was right along side of me. That He hurt for me and the circumstances that I was going through. 

God met me at that conference. With wide open arms. He was there, and He showed me that He had ALWAYS been there. That He loved me, even at my darkest. Even when I turned away from Him. When I lusted after a life that didn’t include Him. His love didn’t fail, it didn’t waiver. He didn’t turn away from me, but instead He patiently waited and met me in that open Georgia field, under the stars, with open arms and said, “I’ve been waiting for you, I am so glad you are here.”

So if you, yes you, are reading this and any part of this resonates with you, just know that He is there. He is waiting for you. And He loves you more than your little heart could ever fathom.