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Life, Pregnancy Loss

March 4, 2019

He never changes

When I can’t sleep, I pull out my phone and I journal as a last ditch effort to quiet my mind. I probably have hundreds of these late night (well, early morning if we’re getting technical) writing sessions. It doesn’t happen every night, just when my mind is unusually tough to settle down.

The night before our ultrasound where we learned that we had lost our baby, I journaled about my thoughts surrounding pregnancy while still being in the thick of the grief from saying goodbye to our sweet foster babe.

This is a screen shot of how I ended my journaling time that night.

I don’t understand why we had to say goodbye to our baby before meeting here on Earth. I don’t understand why it happened while still feeling pain and grief from our last goodbye. I don’t understand a lot of things in this season, honestly.

But what I do understand, and believe to be true, is that God’s character never changes. No matter the circumstance. No matter the valleys we are walking through. He is the same. Yesterday, today, tomorrow… the same.

I’m so thankful I left myself this note; a flicker of light while walking through the darkest valley. A reminder of His character. One that says He’s a Father who cares about our hurts, who cares about the details, who cares about the desires of our hearts.

He is good. He is not the author of death. He is a redeemer. He never changes and for that I am grateful.

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